Friend or Frenemy?

I’ve been duped more times than I can count by “friends” who were not really friends.  These so called “friends” whom we now call frenemies who stab you in the back, kick you when you’re down, and take advantage of your generosity. So how can you tell if a friendship is lifelong or just a fly by night relationship which may or may not be mutually satisfying?

Friendships should be beneficial to both parties. They should share the qualities of honesty, loyalty, trustworthiness and unconditional acceptance. Without these elements we tend to have superficial relationships with our friends which makes maintaining these relationships difficult. As we change and grow what we want from a friendship also changes.

Some of us invest so much into our friendships and we want a long term payback on that investment. Often, it just doesn’t happen.

When I think about my friends, my deep and truly lasting relationships, what I notice is that my true friends have witnessed my growth. They have celebrated with me, and I them, for each milestone in our lives. We have time under our belts together.  Which begs the questions does time build friendships?

But yet, some of those powerful relationships have also become stale-dated. Relationships of all sorts need to be cultivated and nourished, friendships are no different in that respect. Good friends work together through harder times and the relationship continues to be mutually beneficial.

The one thing I know, is that friendships need to be nurtured and cared for like a garden and it has to work both ways.  For now, I continue to make myself vulnerable knowing I am true to who I am and hoping my influence will enhance the lives of those I touch.

If you or someone you know needs help overcoming a broken friendship then hypnosis may well help to build your confidence again in relationships.

www.scopehypnosis.com

Ladies suffer too...

Let’s talk about something that hardly ever gets discussed: vaginismus.

What is vaginismus you say? 
Well, it is a sexual dysfunction that some women suffer from.  It has a strong link to the mind.  Various resources describe it as an involuntary tightening of the pelvic floor muscles surrounding the vagina causing discomfort, burning, pain, penetration problems during sex or an inability to have intercourse.  As it is involuntary the woman feels she does not have control over what happens with her muscles.  In other words, it puts a lot of stress and strain on women who cannot enjoy sex.

Did you know that vaginismus is said to be the main cause of unconsummated relationships?

The tightness can be so restrictive that the opening to the vagina is 'closed off' altogether and the man is unable to insert his penis or the penis may be inserted but pain results. The pain of vaginismus ends when the sexual attempt stops, and usually intercourse must be halted due to pain or discomfort.  The tightening is very specifically linked to sexual activity.

So what causes this?

Vaginismus can often have a link to past traumatic events, abuse, a history of discomfort can create negative impacts on vaginismus as can other complex psychopathology.  At times, there are no causes to be found.  It is vital that a therapist looks at all aspects of woman’s life to assure treatment takes into consideration any psychological issues which may be present, the cause or just contributing factors to the problem.

If you or someone you know are living with this debilitating condition, then contact me now to get help.

www.scopehypnosis.com

"Of course I'm fine! I just like a drink here and there. Get off my back!"

“I’m not an alcoholic! I don’t have a problem!  I’m fine.”

We’ve all heard the word denial before but few stick to it so vehemently as the high functioning alcoholic.  There are many ways of telling yourself that you don’t have a problem and those around you might also support this idea, but when alcohol is a problem both you and others may begin to suffer.  

Maybe your partner doesn’t want you to drink at parties because you don’t know when to stop and your personality changes as the drink takes over. Or do you feel you have to have that drink in the middle of the day just so you can make it through to the end? Going back to work and justifying to yourself that it’s okay as you are not under the influence having just had one or two with lunch. Maybe you are hiding bottles in the recycle bin or re-filling them so they look untouched.

Do you get worked up, anxious and irritable if you can’t get your fix? This behaviour change is a sure sign that you have become addicted to alcohol regardless of how well you are functioning.

Maybe you can’t get out of bed in the morning and you tell yourself it’s because you went to bed late, not because you are hung-over.  You don’t fit the stereotype of being a “drunk” so therefore you don’t have a problem with alcohol.

All this may be true but on the other-hand all this may just put you in the category of a high functioning alcoholic.  These are the people around us whose lives don’t fall apart from drink but they are slowly killing themselves all the same.

If you know someone that you think is hiding their addiction from themselves, speak up and advise them to get help.

Lisa Wheeler

www.scopehypnosis.com

According to http://www.helpguide.org/mental/alcohol_abuse_alcoholism_signs_effects_treatment.htm

You may have a drinking problem if you...

• Feel guilty or ashamed about your drinking.
• Lie to others or hide your drinking habits.
• Have friends or family members who are worried about your drinking.
• Need to drink in order to relax or feel better.
• “Black out” or forget what you did while you were drinking.
• Regularly drink more than you intended to.

Please seek help.

3 Tips to Improve Self Esteem

Self esteem: how your think about yourself and how your thinking makes you feel.

Feelings are linked to our emotional core which guides us through our lives.  When you begin to have negative thoughts about who you are and what you do, you head down a slippery slope away from a happy fulfilling life.  Feeling good about who you are and how you handle yourself is vital to good mental health.

Feeling good about yourself can be a struggle for women who have gained a few pounds over the years. Most of us fight nature, as we get older, move less and have babies, with hope of winning showing in glimpses on the scales. But many of us struggle mentally with internal put downs and poor body image which in turn, contribute to a lack of self esteem.

So what can you do? Here are 3 easy mental activities which will change how you feel about yourself thus helping you to shift that weight and lead a happier life.

Tip One:

Pick and aspect of your body that you like and every time you look in the mirror tell yourself how special, unique and wonderful it is to have that aspect looking back at you.

Tip Two:

Spend one minute each day telling yourself that you are unique and special and quite unlike anyone else in the world. Repeat this to yourself in your mind daily for one minute.

Tip Three:

Focus your energy positively on someone else- your partner, child or even a pet and tell them frequently that they are unique and special and quite unlike anyone else in the world.

I met a woman once who told herself she was fat and ugly every time she looked in the mirror. This poor woman wasn’t only saying this to herself in her mind but she was saying this out loud. Sure enough, by the time her child was 3 years old, her child was calling her fat and ugly. I met her again a year down the track and she diligently used these 3 tips daily and over time she made a great shift in her self-confidence and self esteem.

Just a little time each day, invested in your own self will make a big long term shift in your life’s satisfaction and happiness.

For more help contact me at www.scopehypnosis.com

Can happiness impact your child's health?

Late last year I wrote a blog about how the negative culture of a school also negatively impacted my child’s health. There are many articles written about healthy kids being happy kids. 

As you may know reading my previous blog we have recently relocated to a town more than 800 kilometres from where we lived. Our child is going to a new school again. This is the third school in as many years. But this blog is about how happiness has impacted my child's health and moreover, the influence of emotions on childhood well-being.

In the new school our daughter enjoys the teacher, enjoys the activities that go on at school, and has fun.  The new classroom is no stress fantastic enriched environment. She arrives out of the classroom happy and stays that way while playing at home. Today I walked her into the classroom and she read me a story that she wrote last week. She felt very proud of what she’d written and rightfully so. The teacher in the classroom smiles when the children come in and says “Good morning” looking like she has all the time in the world!  

Having spent 15 years as a primary school teacher I know that she is rushed off her feet day and night. Yet she makes the time to smile at me and the kids individually and set the day off right. The classroom is warm and comfortable, not just physically but emotionally as well, and I trust that this individual is working to help my child not just learn but develop into a caring compassionate person for the future.

Funnily enough, after the stress of the move, one month gone and my child has become healthier and healthier. But she is also happier and happier as each day passes. Emotions play a vital role in health and childhood stress is a huge issue in our world. Stressed children become stressed adults with deep-seated issues for which resolution can be challenging. 

Today I encourage all of you to help your children become healthier by being conscientious that the actions that we take as adults and choices we make for our children can have a lasting impact on their health and wellness. Happiness is not a frivolous "feeling" but a way of seeing the world which has an impact on your child's physical wellness.

If you or your family need help to reduce stress then contact me at www.scopehypnosis.com

Read more about childhood stress here:

http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/stress.html

http://psychcentral.com/lib/7-tips-for-helping-your-child-manage-stress/

A Moving Story

We have recently been down the journey to relocate.  From a quiet life on the outskirts of Warkworth and rural living to a move to town living 818 km away and on another island- the sunny South Island town of Blenheim. Mainstream thought tells me that this is one of life’s most stress inducing experiences. Just Google “moving” and see how it is perceived to be one of life’s greatest stress inducing events. So as I reflect on the experience, which is now firmly wedged into the thought processes of my mind,  I wonder what evidence there is of this stress from our big move?

Of course we had to find a house and have a buyer for our property, but it seems that was the easy part. During that period nothing had to change. We were just in a holding pattern, a state of waiting, not unlike beginning a holiday and the wait time at the airport.  In the end, the stress came up the scale, and yes- even for a practiced relaxer like myself, stress was at a maximum in the days after we had sold but before we have arrived. If I had to identify the moment when I first realised that stress was winning it would have been in the growing arguments between all of us on what can be moved, thrown away, given away or recycled before the movers came.

Buying and selling at the same time means two sets of deals where things could go wrong. Two sets of worry from two sets of solicitors about any issues that might arise which could derail the whole process. Constantly thinking that we mustn’t get too attached to the place we wanted to buy in case it all falls through. But then again, we didn’t want to buy just any old place, we wanted to love the place we bought. After all, it’s not often we make that size of purchase. We saw our new house for 15 minutes as part of a whirlwind 3 day tour of 16 properties over the whole of our new town. It is funny to think that even on the day we took possession, we had no idea where the laundry was. We had only seen the house once in person. I’ve spent longer deliberating over bedsheets or kitchen dishes.

When the agreements went unconditional the tension then began to spread like wildfire through our family. The list went from- sell house and buy house- to nine pages of lists of tasks that needed to be done before, up to and including moving day and the two weeks after that. We are still in the final throws of this big life challenge but with conviction I can say that we are winning over chaos, tape, and boxes.

For the most part, we rallied together as a family and set out on a great adventure to our new abode. Today the sun is shining, the sky crisp and bright and we have done exactly as we set out to do. We have a house we love, a location as close to town as we have ever been and the lifestyle we were focussed on when we set the plan in motion 10 months ago.  Yes, it has been stressful in small peaks but overall, this move has been pretty smooth sailing.  If you are moving, just remember to give yourself enough time to sort your affairs and keep in mind that time continues to pass making your experience a memory before long.

For any of my past clients, Skype sessions are available and you are welcome to contact me via email any time.

Are you disappointing Miss Daisy?

Impotence is more common than you think, and you are not alone.  In fact, most men experience periods of impotence at some stage throughout their lives.  Basically, you are a few parts shy of an erector set if you have a consistent inability to sustain an erection for the purposes of sexual intercourse, or the inability to achieve an ejaculation, or both. You may have a total inability to achieve an erection or ejaculation, an inconsistent ability to do so, or a tendency to sustain only very brief erections.  

It has been noted that the risk of impotence increases with the age of the man and that the rate of impotence is four times higher in men over 60 when compared to men in their 40’s (Journal of Urology (2000;163:460-463).  

There is some research that indicates that there are both physical and psychological causes.  In most cases it is hard to determine the separation between these two as they are often linked, and so an approach that looks at the whole is needed to get a “firm” result.  

Clinical hypnotherapy with Scope Hypnosis aims to address some of the common contributors which are fatigue and stress.  Excessive alcohol consumption must also be addressed and hypnotherapy can help get to the underlying reasons for this dependency, thus helping you to rise to the occasion.  Men who are working in stressful jobs and become overworked and tired may fall into bad habits with diet and exercise, and research shows that lifestyle factors play a role in healthy sexual outlooks. Psychological problems that contribute to impotence also include depression and relationship worries. To be free to be yourself under the covers you need to make positive changes within your mind to support your body. Hypnosis is a very powerful, yet underutilised state of mind that can help you achieve your goals.

SKYPE sessions are confidential and private while saving you travel time- no one has to know- I encourage you to seek help today and feel empowered tomorrow.

Lisa Wheeler
Go to www.scopehypnosis.com and download your free 5 minute daily de-stress!

Who is a hero?

Are you a Hero?

This week I witnessed an act of pure heroism when a young boy in the local swimming pool got into trouble and a bystander jumped into the water, fully clothed, to save the boy.

Many people would have called the lifeguard on duty, but this man knew there wasn't a moment to spare and took action instantly.   

This led me to thinking about our subconscious mind and how it is always working for our greater good.  In the split second that the bystander noticed  the child in trouble in the pool, he didn’t weigh up the pros and cons of jumping in, his subconscious mind took over and went straight into fight or flight response.  

Thoughts  about how uncomfortable he was going to be in soaking wet clothes,  or the wallet/phone in his pocket went by the wayside  so he could propel himself into action and rescue a child from potential drowning.  

This is the beauty of our mind and body relationship. In a fraction of a  second his muscles, sinews , and thought processes all worked together fluently to pull the child safely from the water. 

We have true heros in our world and then we have everyday heros amongst us and yet we all just look like ordinary people- there is a hero in all of us given the right circumstances!

We all function with this ability deep inside our subconscious mind. 

At times our fight or flight kicks in when we don’t need to rescue anyone .  It's at times like these that the help of a clinical hypnotherapist is useful in reprogramming the subconscious mind for more appropriate actions.

At Scope Hypnosis we help you to always act and react like a hero! www.scopehypnosis.com

Lisa Wheeler

6 Key Points to Happiness from Scope Hypnosis

Happiness.... Just a simple word and yet if you don't have enough of this feeling the quality of your life suffers greatly. Here are a few tips to help you increase the happiness in your life.

1: The half-smile -  Smiling by just uplifting the corners of your mouth will increase feelings of happiness and wellness as this action also creates a release of positive endorphins and proteins into your body.  Your cells love these positive endorphins so next time you are feeling a bit worked up just try this technique for a quick release of positive feelings.

2: Improve your ability to relax -  With targeted relaxation we gain more beneficial endorphins and proteins to feed our cells and create feelings of happiness.

3: Exercise - We’ve all heard it before- yes we gain many positive benefits from exercise. It has been shown time and time again that our brains release proteins and endorphins that make us feel happier when we exercise.

4: Time for your mind - Use meditation or hypnosis to take yourself from the place where you are to where you desire to go.  Take 5 minutes everyday to use these techniques to reframe your life and get you on the path you desire.

5: Mini massage - Give yourself a head massage. Take 3 minutes to push, pull and rub your head to get the blood flowing to all the areas of your brain.  Massage will increase the blood flow to your head thereby revitalizing your brain and body and helping you to relax.

6: Sleep more -  It is easy to say

that we should sleep more but just going to bed a 1/2 hour earlier can have a dramatic effect on how you function throughout the day.  The right amount of sleep offers you more protection from negative emotions and aspects of life which compromise your happiness.

Want to chat about this article? Send me an email with your thoughts and remember to sign up for your free 5 minute relaxation track at www.scopehypnosis.com

Child Abuse is Rife in NZ

Let's stop this crime now!

I am shocked that in this day and age so many  N.Z. children are still victims of abuse.  Despite public awareness and the anti-smacking laws, an astonishing number of children are put in harms way, are neglected or are physically, emotionally or sexually victimised.  Sadly, the majority suffer at the hands of the people they trust most, their caregivers.

New Zealand holds the 5th worst child abuse record out of the 31 countries in the OECD.

 http://www.childmatters.org.nz/ reports that one child is killed every five weeks in this country and that most of these are under five years old with the biggest group being babies under one year old. These deaths are, in 90% of cases, caused by someone the child knows.

The clients I see come from all walks of life; some university educated and some from the working classes, but they all have one thing in common:  they lack confidence.  Adults who have lived young lives as victims of abuse need qualified support to tame the damage that has been done in the past. We know that children who have lived with abuse have an increased chance of living problematic, anti-social lifestyles in the future through delinquency, teen pregnancy, low academic achievement, drug use and mental health problems.  We also know that if you have been abused in the past you have an increased risk of become an abuser. Help is here: near or far Scope Hypnosis supports clients to make positive changes in their lives.

Children are never the cause of the abuse.  No matter what the child’s behaviour the responsibility lies solely with the adult to respond appropriately. Inflicting physical punishment, verbal abuse or responding sexually to a child is a crime.  If you find it difficult to parent your child without violence, or you cannot shield them from abuse, I urge you to seek help.

Clinical Hypnotherapy with Scope Hypnosis will start you on the right track.

If you have experienced abuse in your own life or you know someone struggling with these issues, let us help. We can work together to change these horrific statistics which the lovely clean green NZ wants to hide from the world.

www.scopehypnosis.com